A seasonal take on Keir Starmer’s gift-giving antics has been named the winner of GOLD’s annual contest to find the best new Christmas cracker joke.
Other witty entries, including ones about Baby Reindeer, Oasis concert tickets, and Gareth Southgate, also make it to the list of top festive humour.
The winning jokes were revealed by the UK’s favourite comedy channel, U&Gold, as part of its yearly competition (now in its 12th year) to uncover the funniest Christmas cracker jokes based on events from 2024.
The newly rebranded U&Gold channel invited the public to share their original holiday jokes on X, which were then narrowed down by a judging panel and presented to a blind public vote involving 2,000 British adults.
What gifts will Sir Keir get this Christmas? None, he’s had enough!
Why are pensioners bulk buying Brussels sprouts this Christmas? It’s the only way they’ll keep the gas flowing this year
U&Gold’s Winning Jokes For 2024:
Why is Rachel Reeves in the Nativity this year? She’s collecting inn-heritance tax.
Why is Santa worried about being stalked? He’s surrounded by baby reindeer.
Who’s Santas favourite member of Oasis? Noel.
Why does Father Christmas find going down chimneys easier this year? He’s on Ho Ho hozempic.
Why aren’t there more jokes about receiving Oasis tickets for Christmas? Most people won’t get them.
What do you call a Belgian reselling tickets at inflated prices? – a Brussels tout.
What’s the Thames Water advent calendar like? It’s full of number 2s.
Why did Gareth Southgate get into difficulty with the Christmas Club money? He was always late with his subs.
Comedy critic Bruce Dessau, who led the U&Gold judging panel, says, “Another brilliant list of festive funnies from the public – a true testament to British wit! After an eventful 2024, I’m glad to see the nation’s humour bringing a bit of light to some of the year’s headlines! Big congratulations to all the winners, and well done to everyone who entered and put a smile on our faces for a twelfth year.”
Gerald Casey, Director of Programme, Comedy and Entertainment, UKTV says, “Congratulations to our 2024 winners! We’re blown away year after year by the hilarious entries we receive and we love seeing the British public get involved to share the laughs. We hope to spread even more Christmas cheer with our festive U&Gold Christmas programming, including much-loved classic episodes from the likes of The Royle Family and Only Fools and Horses.”
The author of the winning joke, Carlsen Stanton aged (48) from Birmingham, received the top prize of £1,500 towards a holiday, a festive hamper and a box of bespoke U&Gold Christmas Crackers.
The top six jokes are included within bespoke boxes of U&Gold’s Christmas crackers, which will be presented to this year’s winners.
All the jokes voted on by the British public are original content to the best of U&Gold’s knowledge.
